There is no finish line
No, this isn’t another post about running! As I type this, I’m waiting to leave for the airport to head to Barcelona, where I’ll be giving a talk about feminist city planning. I have just a few days in the city before the next leg of this trip, but of course it’s a great opportunity to practice my Spanish. And my Spanish needs a lot of practice!
I started learning in earnest in late 2019 and have stuck with it ever since. If you’d asked me in the first year of learning whether I would be comfortable speaking Spanish while travelling by 2025, I would have certainly said yes. Or, sí! And I would have been wrong.
I really wanted to push myself and achieve a level of proficiency and confidence. I wasn’t aiming for fluency but I thought I would be chatting easily and ordering my cervezas like a local when I visited Spanish-speaking countries. I was pushing toward a kind of finish line I had invented in my mind, which, it turns out, doesn’t actually exist.
After a few years of feeling like a bit of a failure for not being further along on this language journey, it hit me that there was no clock on this project, no deadline or end point of any kind. And this is exactly how it should be when we take up new hobbies and passion projects.
If I’m only doing it to meet a goal I’ve imposed on myself, it’s not going to be very fun. In fact, it’ll be filled with pressure and a constant sense of missing the bar. As if life doesn’t offer enough of that all on its own!
Of course, setting small goals when we’re learning new things is useful to give us some motivation and a sense that we’re making progress. But these should be incremental and process-oriented, not totalizing and finish-line oriented. After all, there could never be a final point for learning a new language, especially later in life, just as there’s no end to learning pottery or roller skating or anything else you might take up for fun.
As I look ahead to trotting out my perennially-intermediate, Canadian accent-tinged Spanish, I can hopefully take some of the old pressure off of myself. I won’t be thinking I should be able to say this or understand that, or let my nervousness stop me from trying altogether. I know now that it’s okay to sprinkle in English when I don’t recall a word. I remember that I listen to and understand people who are still learning English all the time, and it never bothers me when the tense is incorrect or the word choice is a little off.
It would have been easy to quit learning Spanish years ago, but I’ve decided that I’m sticking with it for the long haul, not to achieve a certain level or goal, but to let myself learn bit by bit, however slowly and imperfectly. Now, I better go do my Duolingo lesson before I get on that plane!
What I’m reading: I’ve been meaning to read The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt for at least a decade and I finally borrowed it from the library. About time!
What I’m watching: David Blaine: Do Not Attempt. Thoroughly entertaining.
I'm jealous you're going to Barcelona! I set my first novel there, because it's my fav city, and I think you'll find the locals speak Catalan, Spanish, and some English too. I'm sure they'll appreciate your efforts. Also, I have always found the urban planning there so fascinating. Especially the way they call the city blocks in Eixample (like the ones in your picture) "manzanas". They do look like apples, I think! Enjoy! :)