Rehashing and rehearsing
Or, how to waste your precious life
I’m a big fan of wasting time, aka, doing things that our culture considers “non-productive,” but which are enjoyable, relaxing, or just a whole lot of nothing. What I’m not a fan of is the way my brain insists on wasting time by mentally rehearsing things like emails I need to send or mentally re-writing ones I sent yesterday.
While I can almost make a case for the former, the latter is truly pointless. Worrying about the future is bad enough; worrying about the past is completely nonsensical. Both are clearly products of anxiety and the uniquely human delusion that we can “fix” things if we rehash or rehearse them enough.
Rehashing, as I’m thinking it about it here, is different from reflecting. Reflecting is an intentional process of looking back and asking specific questions of yourself, such as: How could I have communicated better in that interaction? How can I stay calm the next time something like that happens? The point is to learn a discrete lesson. And move on!
When I’m rehashing something, in contrast, I’m not doing it on purpose. I’m caught up in a replay loop and not necessarily learning anything useful. Often I’m unaware I’m even doing it until something snaps me out of my spiral.
As I alluded to above, one could point to some benefits of “rehearsing”, i.e., the future-oriented half of this duo. Maybe my brain is trying to work out how to word a tricky email or what to say in a text or a conversation. Ideally, though, this kind of rehearsal would also be conscious and purposeful. A lot of the time, for me at least, it’s like my mind is on autopilot trying to complete tasks I’m not actively doing yet. I don’t need to rehearse a simple scheduling email, for example, yet my brain seems to slide into this groove every chance it gets.
Is it possible to interrupt these loops? Here are a few things I’m trying:
Notice when I’m doing it. I think it’s possible to notice sooner and sooner with practice. You can’t do anything about it until you notice it.
Ask myself why. If I’m truly anxious about something coming up or troubled by something that happened, maybe it would be better to actively reflect or rehearse: journal, talk to someone, make a note to myself, etc.
Snap out of it! Most of the time I really don’t need to break out the journal; I just need to break the mental cycle. I try to keep a few helpful phrases handy: “No one is paying you to work right now.” “There is nothing to fix here.”
I know that I have a very future-oriented, planning mind and I probably won’t ever lose this trait entirely. But I also don’t need to be a prisoner to these mental habits that can interrupt sleep, distract me from the present moment, or simply waste my time and energy. At least, I hope not.
What I’m reading: The Kind Worth Saving by Peter Swanson. This is number 2 in Swanson’s Harry Kimball series. It’s a fast-paced read.
What I’m watching: The new season of English Teacher on Disney+. The soundtrack still kills.