I recently learned that the second Friday of January is dubbed Quitter’s Day, because it’s supposedly the day when most people give up on their new year’s resolutions. I know abandoning resolutions is almost as common as making them, but I admit I was surprised that it happens so fast for so many people.
It does make sense, though, in what I would label our “all-or-nothing” culture when it comes to ideas of success and failure. Right now, I see people in my Insta feed doing the “75 Hard” challenge, or some version of it. This, according to its creator, is “a transformative mental toughness program” that will bring grit and discipline into your life through, as far as I can gather without sending him my email, a pretty brutal daily exercise regime.
I can understand the appeal of starting something challenging, something that other people are doing, something that promises Transformation with a capital T. So many new year’s resolutions have this quality. Quit drinking. Work out everyday. Meditate for an hour every night. Write a novel. Learn a language.
All of these things are hard. That’s not a reason not to try them. It is, however, a recipe for failure if you go from 0-100 and expect it to be a smooth ride. Or if you adopt the all-too-common attitude that says if you miss a day or fall short of a goal, you’ve failed and you might as well quit.
This, I suspect, is what’s behind Quitter’s Day. I should be clear that I don’t actually think there’s anything wrong with letting go of a resolution. You can decide that something isn’t for you or you don’t like it or whatever. There’s no moral hierarchy to sticking with a goal versus setting it aside. What I’m questioning is why we’re so quick to assume that incremental progress, or 5% changes, or subtle shifts in behaviour, or natural setbacks, are signs of failure.
In fact, these are all more likely to be indicators of eventual success.
Unfortunately, we valorize the “cold turkey” or “all in” methods of change. As people who work in the world of addiction know, harm reduction is far more successful than immediate total abstinence (going cold turkey) for most people. But society at large sees it as a failure if a once-heavy smoker still has a few cigarettes a day, or someone who uses drugs simply uses less of them.
On the other side, we underestimate the value of small additions. Most of us could stand to drink a little more water everyday, but you don’t need to carry a gallon-jug around and drain it twice a day for the change to be beneficial to your life.
Even if you’ve already “celebrated” Quitter’s Day this year by giving up on a goal, there’s no rule that says you can’t try again, or try it in a different way (if you want to). Giving up isn’t all or nothing either: you can set a goal aside for a while, and pick it up at some later point. No one else is making the rules. You get to decide.
If you’re on the verge of your own Quitter’s Day and feeling ambivalent about it, maybe you can cut yourself some slack and lighten up a little on your goal. This could mean scaling it back or slowing it down. And don’t feel bad about it, even for a minute.
What I’m reading: You Don’t Need a Budget: Stop Worrying about Debt, Spend without Shame, and Manage Money with Ease, by Dana Miranda.
What I’m watching: Just finished The Breakthrough on Netflix. Moody Swedish true crime drama.