Do you ever kick yourself because you hesitate or even balk at trying something new? Or feel like you’re lacking in an adventurous spirit, or even just the simple courage to walk into a new cafe and figure out the always-complicated drink menu? Well, the good news is it isn’t you: doing new things IS hard, and there are real reasons for this. The bad news is that we still have to do them.
The simple explanation for the resistance we feel when we embark on something new, even if it’s something pretty small, is that our brain is always trying to keep our complex systems in balance (homeostasis). Doing anything different costs energy and potentially puts one or more systems out of whack, which the brain then has to expend effort to rebalance. It’s easier to maintain the status quo in the present (even if that status quo isn’t good for you in the long run).
So we get all these negative signals flooding us: anxiety, fear, a sense of inertia, a sudden strong preference for doing something else (something familiar), tiredness. Essentially, the brain is trying to prevent you from doing the thing that takes more energy. This is why the term “comfort zone” is so apt. The mind and body know the range of things that keep our systems ticking over nicely. Move out of that zone, and we get some flavour of immediate discomfort.
I’m not even talking about jumping out of a plane or eating a weird insect. This might appear with any new activity. It could be getting in the way of forming new habits. It might even show up when we’re considering starting a new tv series or a picking up a different genre of book: Brain no want to! Hard! Watch or read same old thing please!
Of course, it’s both technically impossible and pyschologically undesirable to keep doing ALL the same things, ALL the time. We do new things every day, even if they don’t register as such. And there’s a counter-drive within us to gather new information and experience new places and challenge these balance-seeking systems to some extent.
Unfortunately, the natural resistance and hesitation that comes along with the new is kind of stigmatized, as if it’s a personal failing. I suspect there’s a negative feedback loop here, where if you feel (or are made to feel) shame over not being “brave” enough to try something, you withdraw and feel even less brave the next time. How many people do you know who hate swimming because they were mocked as a child for being afraid of the water? Or worse, thrown in by a person they were supposed to trust?
It would be much better, I think, if we could be self-compassionate - and compassionate towards others - when the reluctance to try something novel rears up. Maybe it would even help us to say to ourselves, “Oh, that’s my brain trying to keep the system on autopilot. I see you, brain, but we’ll be okay.” Now go to that new coffee shop and figure out what the hell an iced blueberry latte fizz is!
What I’m reading: I just finished The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why it Matters, by Priya Parker. Very thought-provoking.
What I’m watching: Last weekend I watched Secrets We Keep, a Danish miniseries. A good mystery intertwined with an excellent exploration of the gulf between the rich and their foreign nannies, and the limits of the compassionate white woman savior. The ending was very well done.